Monday, July 11, 2011

When to make contact?

Any other adoptive parents with kids who have sibling with different adoptive parents?

Emma has a brother "Ethan" and sister "Avery" who have also been adopted (they are together). Sam has told me that their adoptive parents don't want them to know about Emma, yet. I've respected that decision and their privacy. Which is also why I don't use real names.

It all started abort a month ago... One whole year had gone by and I had never, not once ran into them. Then one day I was at the store getting pictures of Emma printed for Sam and I saw them! The next week I was once again getting pictures for Samantha and I saw them! How crazy is that?
A few weeks after that my neighbors were having a yard sale and I put some things out to sell too. During I sale I look up and notice the kids adoptive dad in my front yard! Holy cow!
Once again about a week or so later I was at the post office mailing a letter to Sam and I see the dad again! By this point I'm really wondering if this is all a sign I should make contact with them! I've been thinking about it a lot.

Which brings me to today. I once again mailed Sam a letter today. Every time I go to the post office I hope to run into the dad again, but haven't. A little while later we went to the store. I saw Joey's grandma, who got him, with him. I ran over to see him before they left. This was the first time I've ever seen one of our placements after they have left!

After I talked to them I turned around and noticed my husband standing 5 feet away from Ethan, Avery and their dad! On the same day I mailed Sam, again! What is the universe trying to tell me?
We wondered around the store while my mind raced... I got us back to where they were, the dad and I made eye contact and said hi to each other. He kept looking at Emma, who is the spitting image of Avery with a little Ethan mixed in! I kept thinking, "Does he know who she is or who I am?"
It was killing me to not say anything to him. But because I've heard they don't want the kids to know, I wouldn't say anything with the kids around anyways... Ahhhhh. I feel so torn. Do I keep living my life or do I attemp to contact these people. What if they don't want me to contact them? If I did, what is the best way? Via mail, phone, or Facebook, or in person if I run into them again?

I'd love for Emma to know her siblings. I'd love for them to actually be a part of each others lives. I also respect this other family and the fact that they might not want their kids to ever know Emma exists. I feel the need to contact them, then if they want nothing to do with Emma, that's their decision. But what if they feel the same way I do, they want contact but aren't sure how to approach us.


Leila- All Meant To Shine said...

Hi! We are fostering to adopt and waiting for our first placement. So while I don't have any "real" experience in that department I do have other experience. I have a sister, who is 4ish years younger than I am who I just found out about definitely existed about 2 years ago. It is kind of a weird and touchy subject within my family. Her & I have talked since it came out, but we have never met. Anyways, long story short and point being... at some point you can't please everyone. In my opinion you should definitely reach out to them. If they are upset, who cares? At least you tried and you will be able to tell Emma that. Sometimes the things that are best for our kids are not what's easy or best for us. I think reaching out is best for all of the kids. Hopefully, a beautiful relationship will blossom from your efforts!!! Good luck!!! PS. Love your blog!!

Tamara ViAnn said...

I'd also say to contact them- worst they can say is no! (And who knows if what Sam told you about them not wanting contact is true). While I respect their decision if they don't want contact it's also part of your daughter's story. It' either going to happen now or twenty years from now. But eventually the truth always comes out. Go for it!