Tuesday, April 19, 2011


Just after Sam and I became Myspace friends I got a message and friend request from Sam’s friend “Lee”. She told me she was Sam’s friend and wanted to stay in contact with Jay (Emma). Okay, whatever. After I accepted her friendship she sent me pictures of her and Emma and asked if she could visit her sometime. I thought about it and decided, no, but didn’t respond. I suck at telling people no! I never heard from “Lee” again.

Just an hour ago Brad was in the shower and there was a knock at our door. I open the door and see 2 girls that look between 16 and 18, one of the girls, “Hi I’m Lee. Sam’s friend.” Uhhhh, WHAT? “I wanted to come by and introduce myself to you and to see if I could come by tomorrow and see Jay?” Me, still dumbfounded by this, “HOW do you know where I LIVE?” Lee, “Sam told me. She’s in jail.” Lee sensing my hesitation and anger that Sam told people where I live, “Don’t worry, I’m not in contact with any of Sam’s family.” Yeah, Sam’s family is the least of my worries! In fact I’m meeting Kay, Sam’s mom for the first time in a few days! (FYI, I’m totally nervous about that!)

Brad and I are both annoyed that Sam has told people where we live!!!

Ahhh, I did NOT see anything like this ever happening. I have looked into getting a PO Box, but it would cost $ to have one just for Sam. I've also thought about just lying and telling Sam we have moved so stuff like this never happens again! I could of lied and told "Lee" she had the wrong apartment, but we are MySpace friends so she's seen my profile picture.

Will I ever do an open adoption through foster care again? YES
Will I have it as open as Sam and I’s? Never! I think I will stick to “social network” friends with pics and stuff, but nothing like Sam got!


Que and Brittany's Adoption Journal said...

It sure gets sticky when friends of birth parents interject themselves. It can be hard for them to sense boundaries.

I hope with your next adoption, things will be different and you will be able to have a healthy open adoption relationship with the birth parents!

Thyme said...

Maybe change apartments? Or get a PO Box for Sam to write to and tell her you moved? That sure gets tricky! Best of luck :)

Ashley said...

That is so hard! I know you're not going to sever all contact with her but perhaps telling her that your home is yours and not hers to share with others as she sees fit? I like the idea of switching apartments. You can stay in the same complex but then she doesn't have your address. Then set up a P.O. box for letters. It's hard because you don't want to shut her out but trying to find the balance between forgiveness and protecting your daughter is something I don't envy you for having to do. Best of luck. Ugh, that must have felt so violating!

Kate said...

I have been following your blog for a while now but I don't think I've ever commented.

If I were in your shoes I would definitely consider moving or at the very least consider switching apartments. I looked into PO Boxes a little bit last year, depending on the size, I don't remember it being too expensive. At the same time, the mailbox at your place is free and you don't have to travel to the post office all the time!

I really hope you can sort things out with Sam, have you talked with her about boundries yet? Like the others, I hope you get to expirience a much healthier relationship with the birthmother the next time around!