Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Why don’t you want ANOTHER baby?

I’m sure people who follow me on Facebook are wondering this... With my history Sam this whole thing has been hard. After we found out she wasn’t pregnant in March of 2011 we went through a LOT. We forgave her, we moved on, we hoped for the best. She got out of prison in Feb. 2012. After a few weeks I could tell she was already back on drugs. In April (yes, 2 MONTHS) she texted me saying she was pregnant. I was pissed, more so furious. As I texted my friend Mama Lark and texted ‘person’ my phone auto-corrected it to ‘Payson’, yep what we were going to name our fake baby. I bawled for the next 20 minutes. Her plan was her and her boyfriend “Don” to provide for the baby and raise it.

About 6 weeks later I get another text from Sam saying she pregnant. Wait a minute, weren’t you already pregnant?!? Nope, the first time was a lie, AGAIN. This time she wanted to prove it to me. She texted me a picture of her pregnancy test and even voluntarily took one right in front of me. Not sure why she wanted to prove it to me since she was planning in keeping the baby. She wasn’t sure if the baby’s dad was “Brad” (who is also her ex’s brother) or a guy named “Jeff”. This time around I really didn’t care. By this time we also had Braxdon.

When she was 4 months pregnant she told me it was a boy. About 5 weeks ago (so 6 weeks before her due date) I saw her say on Facebook it was a girl and she was naming her Brooklyn. About a week after that Sam and I were able to have a long, good conversation about the baby. She flat out asked if we could take guardianship of the baby while she straightened her life out. We knew that if we took this baby for a while, it was going to be forever. (Oh yeah, now she was saying she didn’t know the sex of the baby!)

Instantly I was so stressed out. We were DONE with kids. Over the past 6 months I have sold or given away ALL our baby stuff. I have no clothes, no bottles, no car seat, no cib, nothing at all for a baby. Our car barely fits our 2 kids, no way if would fit 3 car seats. So we would have to buy a new car (oh yeah and it would have to happen within a month so we would be ready by the time baby arrived). Another big problem is, we don’t have room in our house! I get that 3 kids can go in 2 rooms, heck my 2 kids now share 1 room. But, I run my own business from home and really need my office. So if we took her that means I would have to close my business. Plus, we’re planning on opening a store in a few months, so that would also be out. Oh, and we don’t have health insurance, so if we took guardianship and ended up adopting her it would be a private adoption and we would get no help from the state like we have with our foster kids. Plus, Sam admitted to me that she used drugs while pregnant, so this baby could have problems and we would have to pay for everything out of our pockets!

Do I want this baby? YES! Do I feel it is best for our family? No. Unfortunately, no. My husband really does NOT want this baby either. I kept asking him, “Well, what would we do if I got pregnant?” His response, “We would have 9 months to get ready, buy stuff, get a new car, figure stuff out. We have 3 weeks until Sam’s baby comes.” I totally got it. As much as I wanted this baby at the same time it made me sick that my whole life plan would change. The next day my husband said he still felt like we shouldn’t. I agreed that I loved the idea of going back to my previous plan of 2 kids and running my business and opening my store! The previous day when I talked to Sam and she wanted us to watch the baby she said she would call me the next day and we would talk again about it. She never brought it up again...

Well, she had the baby. A girl named Addison.

2 days later Sam’s mom (Kay) called me and told me CPS has removed the baby and can we take the baby? I told her no, we can’t.

I thought maybe if I could talk to Sam and see if she wanted to relinquish her parental rights and place the baby for adoption. She is avoiding my calls, I think because of this situation. So for now, baby Addison is going into foster care. We live in different states so we can’t get her through foster care either. Would we want her if we could get her through foster care? Yes and No, mainly, no. It does make me sad. At the same time, I am already struggling with my 2 kids. I love them both dearly, but they mesh like oil and water! They fight and scream and cry all day long! Braxdon is currently crying because he gave the dog a bit of his cereal and she eat it when he didn’t want her to eat it. Not sure what he expected to happen when he gave it to her. Plus, 3 kids aged 3 and under, NO! Yes, this baby would be a blessing, but why not bless another family with this baby. My family is complete, unless I ever get pregnant. :)


Tamara ViAnn said...

I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm glad to hear that this baby is in foster care. I cringe every time I hear of parents like Sam trying to parent when their life is just a constant wreck.

Foster Mommy NY said...

Well you have to do what is best for YOUR family! I know that is easier said then done, trust me on that one! LOL I wish all the best for you guys! ~Hugs~