Monday, January 28, 2013

The Road to Braxdon (aka Clyde)

I know I’ve shared most of this, but I want it all on one past. How Braxdon came into our lives….

It seemed like the second the initial shock of finding out we wouldn’t be adopting #2 wore off I was on the phone with our RCF (Resource Family Consultant, they do all the foster care placements) telling him to re-activate our file. We were ready and expecting a baby, so why not?

I also did a little snooping trying to get to the bottom of the adoption lies with #2. I found out via MySpace that the (fake) baby was Sam’s friends. It was her ultrasounds she was showing me. Her friend was also having a boy and was due at the same exact time. I saw on MySpace she was naming her baby Joey*. I didn’t look at her profile after that or look into anything else. I moved on with my life. About 10 weeks later I got a call from our RFC asking if we were interested in a placement. He told me it was a 7 week old boy named Joey. (Yes, the SAME one!)I was utterly shocked. From the moment Joey got into our home we knew he was not meant to be ours. Funny how for 8 months we thought he was ours, it got ripped out from under us, we got him a few months later but knew he wasn’t going to be ours. He went to a family member 3 weeks later.

It was 7+ months before we got another placement, Chandler. Again, we knew right away he wasn’t ours. In fact, that is why DCFS moved him out of our home was because we didn’t want to adopt him.

6 weeks after Chandler left we were on our way home from the Utah Adoption Council Conference. We had been there for 2 days along with our RFC and others from DCFS in our region. We left 1 class early because we were dying to get home to Emma. Just after we got on the road Brad’s phone rang. It was one of his co-workers “Scott”. I was only hearing my husband’s side of the conversation, but it went a little like this, “I’m just on my way home from an adoption conference.” … “Yeah, we do foster care.” … (my mind is kinda a blur about this part because I was becoming excited!) “Tell her to request us. Tell them (DCFS) we are a family friend. They will most likely place him with us if she request us.” After he hung up I asked the details. Brad said he couldn’t understand Scott at first, but his family member or friend had just had her 11 month old son removed. They were going to court in a few hours and she was going to request he be placed in our home.

The next few hours were long because I knew our RFC was still in the adoption conference and wouldn’t be figuring out this placement until later in the day if not the next day. Within an hour of the adoption conference letting out my cell phone was ringing. I was elated to see it was our RFC. He asked if our adopted daughter’s birth mom was Kim. Um, no it’s not. Our RFC explained that he was given our info on a case, but he wasn’t sure why. I asked if it was an 11 month old boy. He said yes. I explained to him how it was my husband’s co-worker’s family or friend and they were requesting us. He explained that they needed to get in contact with Kim’s other child’s adoptive parents because they were first in line to get Braxdon (Clyde, for the record, my husband picked that name because he was such a chunk or a Clydesdale as my husband called him). A day or two later our RFC called again and said Braxdon’s siblings’ adoptive parents didn’t want him, but he felt we were too close to the situation. They would take it up with the adoption committee 3 days later.

I had never had a placement drag on like this. The more time that went by the more I knew we were not going to get him. 3 days later (on a Monday) our RFC informed us they had placed Braxdon in another home. I was furious. No, he is meant to be in MY home! (I didn’t actually tell our RFC that). Two days later Scott called my husband and they had a long chat about Braxdon and the fact that DCFS placed him with another family. The day after that our RFC called and asked if he could come by and have us sign the reimbursement forms from the adoption conference. He said he needed to talk to us about something too. I was a nervous wreck, What on earth did he want to talk about?!? My husband works graveyard shifts and sleeps during the day. I woke him up about 3 hours early so that he would be there to talk to our RFC with me. Our RFC came over, we signed the forms and then he asked, “So, that placement we had been talking about. Are you still interested in him?” I was beyond shocked and excited. “YES!”. He explained that the family that they had placed him with had called him and said they no longer wanted him in their home. My excitement drained right out of me, “WHY?” I thought, especially after the struggles we had with Chandler, there must be something really wrong with him. He said that Braxdon was completely normal, happy and healthy. I knew the other foster mom who had him and she later told me it was like she was hit with post-partum depression and she couldn’t function at all. A few hours later we picked up Braxdon!

We knew right away that there was a good chance Braxdon’s case would be going to adoption. The case wasn’t really black or white and we had no idea what was going to happen.

With both Emma and Braxdon, their birth moms loved seeing us interact with their children. A lot of times foster parents don’t want to meet or deal with the birth parents. I personally LOVE it! Seeing how happy Braxdon was with us made Kim more comfortable with us. Then at our Team Meeting (4 months into our case) our caseworker asked Kim what she thought was best for Braxdon. She responded that she felt like he was happy with us and he was best staying with us. It was an amazing experience being able to be there with her in court when she relinquished. As we sat outside the court room and talked before we went in I told her, “From the day we got him, we knew he was meant to be in our home. Whether it went to adoption or not, our home is where he was supposed to be!”

1 comment:

*Alice Anne* said...

Congratulations. :) Wow, foster care can be SO much drama! I'm so glad you share your experiences here.