How do you balance it all?

One thing that never crossed my mind was having 2 very different birth moms of my kids. I love them both, but the relationships are night and day different. One is fun to be around, talk to and hang out with. The other, I get that she is only around me to see her kid, but that is all I get from her. I’ll be talking to her and she is focused on her kid and drowns me out. It is frustrating because I know how it is with the other birth mom and how much I enjoy hanging out with her. One seems “needy clingy” and the other is more of a free spirit... Yes, I am not specifying which one is which.

The down side is I spend more time with the needy clingy, focused on her kid, not interested in me at all one more and I’m starting to dread seeing her ALL the time! Not trying to sound negative, just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? What do I do? I don’t want to avoid her. I do care about her and want her to have a great relationship with her child. I am so busy with my business and everything else, dragging my kids to McDonald's once a week or every other week is getting really old! She doesn't know where I live so her coming to me to visit is out. Also I’m going to be working 40 to 50 hours a week soon and I will not have time for visits at all. I’m not trying to cut her out of the kids life, just trying to figure out how to balance things. Maybe I need time with just me and her, no kids and actually build on our relationship? I know I shouldn't be so uptight about our relationship, it’s supposed to be about my kids relationship with their birth mom. I just don’t want it to be a negative thing for anyone!

Another, semi-related question... So every time my kid sees their birth mom she has soda, lets the kid drink it and when it’s time to go my kid is rather upset that soda is gone. Well, birth mom interprets the fit as sad that birth mom is gone and she freaks out. Then she is upset because the kid is upset because she thinks kid is sad to see her go, when in reality it’s the soda the kid is mad about. Sigh, I just don’t know what to do!