Friday, December 21, 2012

Who to you give to?

With my kids being so little I am still trying to figure out who to get Christmas presents for in the birth family sides. We already have two sides of the family to shop for so adding 2 more sides seems crazy. Who should I expect presents from? What if Braxdon’s family gives him a bunch of presents and Emma’s doesn’t and she resents them for it? Ahhhhh. Sometimes, at times like this, I think closed adoption might be nice. I would never close their adoptions, but I don’t want one to feel out.

Out of the past 2 years Emma’s birth mom hasn’t given her anything... She was in jail both times. Then last year Sam’s dad and step-mom and her mom all gave Emma presents. Since they all live in different states and they don’t have my address and it’s 4 days til, I’m not expecting anything for her. But, I know ALL of Braxdon’s family has presents for him! What the heck am I going to do? My daughter is 3 and she gets it, she is going to so sad when her birth family gives her nothing. I know, life isn’t fair. But who wants to see their kids hurt emotionally?!?

What is the best way to explain to her growing up why his family gives him stuff and hers doesn’t? It breaks my heart thinking about it. Because I’ve gone through it with my birth father all I can do it think of the things I thought as a teenager, he must not love me. I can’t stand the thought that Emma would think that about her birth family. At the same time, I can’t tell Braxdon’s family not to so no one gets anything.... I just had a thought though. What if, we get Emma a few small things, give it to Braxdon’s family and have them give the stuff to her from them so she feels included with them? His family, especially his birth mom, always tried to make Emma feel included. In fact Emma LOVES Braxdon’s birth mom. She is always asking to see Kim (Braxdon’s birth mom).

I think as the kids get older I will let them choose who to get presents for. I know it is bias, but I didn’t ever get anything for Sam this year, but I did for Kim. Why? Honestly, because I will see Kim around Christmas, but not Sam. It is deeper than that and just involves the usual, Sam is lying about everything issue we have. I wanted to get her the same thing I am getting Kim (I will post a picture of it, I can not wait to see it!!!) but things didn’t work out. I’m also annoyed about the most recent Sam lie, but that’s a different post!

It makes me sad thinking that one of my children will grow up closer to their birth family then my other child.

1 comment:

Foster Mommy NY said...

well I hope it all works out for you guys, that is a hard one. Maybe making some family ground rules would work to help a little. I like the idea of you getting some things and letting the family give them to her so she is not left out.

Happy Holidays!