Friday, October 12, 2012

Name Change…

I was nervous to tell Samantha that we were going to change Emma’s name, but I knew that I was going to tell her. Braxdon’s mom, well, I am scared to death to tell her. I mean, I don’t want to, EVER. Sam took the news (at least in front of me) pretty well. I’ve heard through her step-mom that she still refers to her as Jealah, but every time she is around her she calls her Emma so I don’t care.

I’ve heard that Kim is probably going to flip out when she finds out. Do I have to tell her? If I don’t tell her, but remain in contact with her, won’t there come a time that she will find out? After our closure visit she asked me, “So, are you guys going to change his name?” Sam asked me the same question which is how she found out. I took a deep breath, “We have been thinking about it.” Kim, “Well, I mean, his LAST name?” Yes, of course we are changing his last name! Um, along with the first and middle! :/ (I didn't tell her we are changing his first or middle...) Now, it’s not that we don’t like his name. But there are many reason why I want to change it. Mainly for tradition. I am the 3rd generation to have “Don” in my name. I have wanted to carry on this tradition ever since we got married. I didn’t really have a set name I wanted to use, I just knew that one of my children would have Don in their name. We never considered it with Emma. When we got “Clyde” we were told his birthday was on a certain day. We got his info and my jaw literally dropped when I saw his actual birthdate and I knew if we adopted him he was meant to have Don in his name. Why? Because he has the same birthdate as my mom, the 2nd generation Don, who died when I was 7! It also pushes for us use Don since he is our last. I told one of my friends that I needed to come up with a Don name. The only one we kind of liked was Haydon (but for a girl). Like 30 minutes after I told my friend that she says, “What about Braxton, but with Don instead of ton?” I loved it, obviously! My all time favorite name I have come up my husband hates so that is out :( (for the record, it’s Eastdon)

Okay, back to my dilemma. HOW do I tell Kim we are changing her son’s name! I don’t want to get screamed at me… is via e-mail or letter too tacky or un-personal? Or should I not even tell her? I feel like that would be lying to her and I don’t want to keep that big of a secret. When/ if I do tell her it won’t be until after we have finalized the adoption! Ahhh, someone tell me what to do!

3 comments:

Cindy said...

You said there were many reasons for changing- what are the others? I think whatever reason is your own, but to get birth mom to understand, you might have to think of one that revolves more around the child than a family tradition that (no offense) she probably isn't going to care about. I guess I'm just saying that IF you decide to tell her, I would recommend not using the family tradition thing as a reason. I don't like to generalize but being a birth parent of a child in foster care, she is probably fairly self-centered and just wouldn't be able to accept/understand that reason. Good luck - I sure wouldn't want to have to tell either. :)

April said...

Our first daughter's birth mom was afraid to ask us in person and asked through our social worker. We didn't meet our second daughter's birth mom until months later. I told her in writing, but I'm sure she found out first through the case worker. Would you be able to do it through a third person, such as a case worker? Otherwise in writing would probably be best as to give her some time to process the news.

Que and Brittany are Hoping to Adopt! said...

I would tell her using the same way you most often communicate with her. If that means through a caseworker, or text message or phone call or in person. Just for consistency, so it doesn't seem disrespectful to her.