Friday, July 20, 2012

Foster Care Friday: Asking DCFS to remove a Placement

No, we did not ask for “Clyde” to be removed. Even though we have said he is the whiniest placement we have ever had, I love that little guy!

The other day got me thinking, I’ve never blogged about the whole story of Isaac and Madison’s removal. I didn’t want to sound like I’m heartless or a horrible person. So here ya go…

It all started 5 years ago, I got a call from the caseworker we had with Ben asking if I was interested in a placement. She told me it was a sibling group of 2 (we were only licensed for 1 at the time) a boy 6-ish and a girl 1 ½-ish. I was baby hungry, not only baby hungry, I wanted a baby GIRL. So I was thrilled to have a little girl. The rest of the day was spent on the phone with different people about the case. They told me about some issues Isaac had, I said I didn’t care. The next day they arrived at my home.

The first two weeks were bliss. Then Isaac started acting up. All and all, the real issue wasn’t Isaac acting up, it was me. I had 2 crazy things going on at the same time and it was Horrible!

My “reason” to DCFS for the removal: By the time Ben left I had been bleeding off and on for 9 months! (We got them 3 months after he left) I went to a new doctor right after he left and at first it stopped, but started up again horribly bad. While Isaac and Madison were in our home my cycles were out of control. I was on birth control to regulate them, but it wasn’t working, heck, nothing my doctor did was working. It got to the point that my doctor was about to schedule a D&C to see if that would help, if it didn’t he was on the verge of doing a hysterectomy. Looking back, I wish he had! Right now I would LOVE to have a hysterectomy! Anyways, he told me if the bleeding didn’t stop in the next 2 weeks (after I tried another medication) he was going to do a D&C and possibly an emergency hysterectomy. Back then I didn’t want one, I was still hoping to get pregnant. At this point we told DCFS because of this medical issue we could no longer keep Isaac and Madison. We gave them a formal 10 days notice.

The main reason… Now this is personal and horrible and before now only 1 person from DCFS knows this is why we requested the removed, and even then this person didn’t find out until 2 years later!

Why, you ask. Because I was scared. I was scared that if DCFS knew why, they would never place another child in my home. I was scared that they wouldn’t trust me to actually keep a placement. Just giving 10 days notice for the above reason made me worry they would never place another child in my home.

-Totally random, but kind of relevant. I have wanted to find contact with the person that adopted them, but only knew her first name. Somehow, someway right now I followed the right chain of friends of friends and found her!!!! Just looked at recent pictures of Isaac and Madison, made me cry seeing them!

Back to my story… WHY did I request DCFS remove Isaac and Madison? That goes back to around 15 years ago. I baby-sat this boy who was just a few years younger then me and to spare you all the details (I do believe they are here-, if you wanna know I’m not afraid to tell) he was sexually abusive. Yep, younger then me, I know, crazy and unbelievable. Back before I was married I went to counseling for other stuff, loved it, totally changed my life. I got married, moved out of state and decided to go back for this issue. I’ll just say, it was Horrible! I stopped going and nothing really changed, I just kinda moved on with my life. Then, we got Isaac and every time he wanted to sit next to my on the couch or on my lap or touch me in any way, (he was about 2 years younger than the boy I babysat) it triggered what the boy had done. It was rough, very very rough. It was hard because I couldn’t emotionally connect with Isaac. It was rough because I could hardly function emotionally. Oh yeah, throw in I was bleeding like crazy and trying to accept I might be having a hysterectomy. My emotions were everywhere. I had no problems with Madison. She was the sweetest little angel. I would have kept her in a heartbeat, but I knew if Isaac had to go, she needed to be with her brother! I just couldn’t do it! We gave our 10 days’ notice claiming it was because I was going to be having a D&C (which didn’t even happen because Prometrium stopped my cycle). Here’s another kicker, a few days later DCFS called me and asked if I would re-consider our notice and keep Isaac (only Isaac, not Madison)! Are you kidding me?!? I told me them No. If they had called and asked if I would have kept Madison, I would of said yes… but I know I have the child (Emma and possibly Clyde) that I am meant to have. Sometimes it is hard to believe that while still waiting for your child to get to you.

And in case anyone is wondering, Yes, I did go back to counseling. I had someone else then because, who was amazing and I’m totally “fine”. One of my friends was convinced that I was going to struggle with our “fake baby” as I now call the baby we were expecting in our adoption scam. I didn’t worry about it at all. I’m 100% emotionally healthy about the issue and I have since had 3 more foster sons who have not been a problem and I never see being a problem.

Another side note: When Ben left it was hard. I remember standing on the sidewalk watching the car leave and just bawling. The night before Isaac and Madison left I couldn’t sleep, I was SO excited, it was like Christmas morning! I stood in my driveway and watched them leave and I just felt relief! Right after they left I heard Rascal Flatt’s song, I Feel Bad, it is exactly how I felt!

There you have it people. The whole story about Isaac and Madison’s removal.

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