Friday, September 30, 2011

....Really?

It all started in the beginning of September… I was on my “WomanLog App” and notice and told my husband, “Hum, we did it on the date I should of ovulated!” Also note, I haven’t had a period since April… A few days later I start spotting, but nothing else, it stopped at that. Now, that is weird. I know my body/ cycles and it was out of the ordinary! I waited… and waited tried to push it off as much as I could. Then Tuesday I spotted again. I decided to text my friend and talk to her about it. My fear, that I WAS pregnant but was already miscarrying! Oh yeah, after dinner I was on the verge of throwing up… I couldn’t sleep. If only I had a pregnancy test so I would just know I wasn’t and move on with my life. I laid in bed, decided to get up and just check. What’d ya know, I had one! A few minutes later I texted my husband who was at work, “Call me when you can.” 3 minutes later, “I’m freakin out here! Call me ASAP!!” He call me asking what was wrong, Me: “I really wish I didn’t have a sleeping child right now!” husband: “Why” Me: “So you could bring me the car so I could go to the store!” husband: “Why?” Me: “To buy another pregnancy test! Because the one I’m looking at is POSITIVE!” Now, we’re been married for over 7 years and this is the second time this has happened. My husband’s response, “You better NOT be pregnant!” I know, so sweet! Don’t take that the wrong way, he would be thrilled if I was, but we just love adopting through foster care, plus hubby is convinced our children would be ugly, LOL! He had to go back to work and now I really couldn’t sleep. I sat in bed and kept looking at my stomach, Really??? I was shocked and shacking. Hubby couldn’t come home soon enough!

I finally went to sleep. Emma slept in. We watched Sesame Street and then got ready and went to the store. Came home, peed on a stick…. Negative! Awesome, exact same thing that happened in April of 2008. We decided to wait a few more days before checking again. I’ve been nauseous every time I eat, but I was hoping that was a good sign. After lunch, well, I’ll just say I am 100% sure I’ve once again miscarried….

Why body? I was fine never being pregnant! I love adopting. I love foster care! Why taunt me? “Ha ha, look you can get pregnant once every 3 to 4 years, but it’s never going to stay in, Just so ya know!” Really, I’m fine with the whole thing, more so annoyed with my body and really wanting a hysterectomy! In happy news, We found a new rental that we love and are really, really hoping to get into it!!!!

And my husband’s advise to my previous post, “Just know sometimes you’re going to have to get your heart broken a few times!”

3 comments:

Ashley said...

So much love. I'm so sorry. Let me know if there's anything I can do.

Stacy said...

Hugs, hope you are doing ok. I love your blog, it has been a huge help as I am getting my foster parenting license . : )

KH said...

I'm so sorry. :( I totally understand what you mean though. You get to a place where you're ok with not being pregnant, but to find out, then have it taken away is so tough. Huge hugs to you.