Oh how I have been dreading today… Well, I used to be so excited and anxious for today. Sam was supposed to have the baby today. But instead my day has gone like this:
Can’t stop thinking about the ironing of the fact that I got pregnant on April 1, 3 years ago. Then as my medications and cycle would have it, my predicted ovulation date is TODAY, April 1. I’m not doing ovulation tests because it stressed me out to know and gets my hopes up. Plus I should be holding my newborn baby today, but I’m not!
Then someone who is pregnant came over. I just kept thinking A) don’t mention your pregnancy and B) don’t mention Sam’s non-pregnant! Thank Heavens, her pregnancy didn’t come up and I was the one to mention Sam like “That rooms a mess because all of Sam’s belongings are in there!” Then they wanted to see everything I’ve made with my Silhouette and my “baby's name” sign was one of my projects. So all and all, not too painful of a visit!
The icing on the cake… got a letter from Sam!
“Well I got sentenced to prison today. I’m actually at peace with. It’s better then doing a year at this county jail. At the prison I’m going to do the drug program and got on some regulated meds. I don’t know the address to the prison if you decide to write me. I should be leaving next week… I hope you are all safe, happy, healthy. My prayers are with you. Thank you for everything. I DO love you guys SO much and I miss you even more. God bless you all. Sam”
She also wrote a note just to Emma. I can’t read it without crying! All I can think is no matter how Sam and I’s relationship ends up, at least Emma will have this note from Sam saying how much she loves her. As crazy as things have been with Sam I keep thinking, at least Sam has done more than my birth father ever did to show or say he loved me! (Well, he did nothing so it’s not hard to beat).
On a happier note: It is beautiful outside so Emma and I will be going to the park just before Brad gets off work!
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