Friday, March 18, 2011

Letter from Sam

I honestly don`t know what to think. I`m not one to hold onto grudges and bad feelings, but I know I can never 100% trust Samantha again. This is her response to my letter.

Thank you for writing me. It means a lot. I know I messed up big time...Trust me I think about it everyday. I thank God everyday that you are who you are & I know my child is safe and loved. I'm not even going to try and justify my actions. I did destroy everthing important to me. I always self destruct.. I don't know whats wrong with me. I need help in all aspects and plan to get help. I love you so much and I'm so sorry I hurt you the way I did. I took it way too far. I didn't know what to do... I'm putting my life in Gods hands for once. I love you Dawn. I'm sorry. Tell Emma I love her.

I don't know what to say. I (messed) up majorly!! Please let me show you I'm not that person... Although no one can go back and make a brand new start. Anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending!!!
ps. I love Emma SO much, give her my love.


Sarah said...

You are absolutely amazing to be so strong during such a tough time! I think your letter to Sam was great in that you told her you still care about her, but set up clear boundaries. My advice is to stick to those boundaries! As response you could tell her how proud you are of her for wanting to get help and that you wish her the best and are praying that she finds the help she needs. Tell her how your family and Emma are doing (emphasizing positive events/milestones, not all the effects of all the hurt caused by the lost baby). Leave it at that. Several months from now if you still have contact through letters and she has been respecting your boundaries, you can consider meeting with her if you want to, but it will take time for her to change and for you to overcome your hurt before you can let go and move on to possibly start forming a relationship again. By the way,our adoption stories have some similarities: my 13 month old's birth mom relinquished her rights June 2010 and our adoption was finalized in Nov :)

Lauren said...

Look. I'm all for forgiveness. I get that. I could possibly feasibly understand if she'd screwed with you this whole time with it being a bizarre self-sabotaging chaotic pseudo-accident. Except she did this to another couple at the exact same time. That's not a "mistake" or a "mess up." That's calculated. I don't know either of you except via the blogs you write, but it sounds like this woman needs serious help - more help than anyone other than a specialist is going to be able to provide.