Sunday, January 9, 2011

Why Foster?

I have heard people say, So-in-so wants to adopt, why don't they just do foster care? Foster Care isn't for everyone. I have had so many people tell me, "I couldn't do it!". Some people have told me they think I'm amazing for doing foster care. Do I think so? No. I'm just a person who wants to adopt, but also help children at the same time. I've also been asked, How can you take a child in, get attached to them and then have to let them go and get your heart broken? Well, to be honest, it wasn't that much harder then seeing a negative pregnancy test after doing a bunch of fertility and getting my heart broken each month. Except, I got to play with a sweet little baby boy, watch him grow and learn and I got to learn how to be a mom and then my heart broke a little when he left.

My husband's mom kept asking, How can you risk getting your heart broken? My answer to her, Well it's either stay childless and heartbroken or risk getting heartbroken when a child leaves, but eventually one will stay!

My other reasoning is, I'd rather go through a few kids and a little heart ache then have to sit on a waiting list for years never knowing if you will ever get a child.

Sunday at church the lesson was on being patient and how you can be blessed by being patient. Now I know these woman really do feel they were being patient, but I had to laugh to myself as each story was, "We didn't know what to do for 2 or 3 months, but we were patient and everything worked out." 2 or 3 months.... 6 years, I was patient for 6 years. Okay, I wasn't patient that whole time, but still. I also thought about the time I was not patient in Foster Care. We were really lucky and got Ben 15 minutes after getting approved to do foster care. We didn't have to be patient at all, although the 3 days between finding out we were getting him and being able to pick him up seemed like months! After he left I was desperate to get another kid. We'd get a call, I'd get my hopes up and then be crushed when we didn't get them. I think we had 3 or 4 calls between Ben and Madison & Isaac. Then one morning, I was at work and our caseworker from Ben's case called. She said she had a placement for us! Now, my husband and I had 3 months previous parenting/ foster care experience, we were both young and in all reality we should of said no. But, I was impatient. I not only wanted to be a mom, I wanted a little baby girl! I hear "girl" and was on board. I didn't care about the problems they told me about Isaac, I just wanted to be a mom and didn't care. Well, my not being patient ended up being a horrible experience. Isaac wasn't the worst kid ever, in fact after he got in trouble he'd give you a hug and tell you he loved you, which always melted my heart. Between struggling with mostly Isaac and the problems I was having with my PCOS we decided it would be best if they left. I wanted to keep Madison because she was wonderful, but I also knew it was important that she be able to stay with her brother. They went to a relative who adopted them.

Now the second time around with Foster Care I had amazing patients and it totally paid off. We got one call about a placement... Oh my, it was once again our foster caseworker that called me about him. She started telling that she was looking for a family and our names kept coming to her mind and she had to call us about it. I got excited, okay what are the details? An 18-year-old boy who's foster family kicked him out because he is gay. On the phone she told me he needed a place to finish out the school year, I believe it was around November when she called. I told her no, the next day on Facebook she told me he just needed a place for the night. Then the only other call we got was Emma before we got her when her mom left the state so DCFS couldn't take her.

People also keep telling me, now that you will have a boy and girl you can be done! Sorry, but I am NOT done with having/ getting kids. It's not like I have to endure a rough pregnancy or anything. A side from jumping through DCFS' hoops, and having a little heartache when a kid leaves, I'd say our children come to us rather easily. In fact, too easily when it came to baby! He's coming about a year before we had planned on even taking another foster placement. My mom has mentioned to me how she's like to see me do more fertility and get pregnant. I just keep thinking, I can adopt 10 baby's for less then what it would cost us to just try IVF and maybe get pregnant! We're not planning on taking any placements for another 1 1/2 to 2 years, but there is definitely more foster care in our future!

1 comment:

Hurdles of Life said...

I just want to tell you, that you hit the nail on the head. We are doing foster care, rather than straight adoption.. because at some point one of these children will be unable to be reunited and a neead a forever family. Until then.. its just fun having kids in the house.. FINALLY!! xoxox