I feel kind of like an expert when it comes to lying birth parents. No, not Sam, my daughter's birth mom, but my own birth father!
I have also been asked to review a book about adoption. I'll do a separate post about it when I'm done, although I can say so far I really enjoy it. In it the book talks about how adoptee's have innate curiosity to know where they come from. I can tell you from experience this is true.
I was 13 when I first met my birth father. Our relationship went down hill fast. When my husband and I decided to do foster care I became interested in having a relationship with him. I wanted to know more about him. I wrote him a letter, things instantly turned nasty on his end and I didn't help at all. Now, he swears he isn't lying, but my family tells a different story about him and also says they're not lying. So, someone has to be lying and my family seems to be more logical!
Even though he lies, I still would like to know (honest) things about him. I know his full name, his parents names, when and where he was born, where he served his mission and the fact that he hates the LDS church, oh and he posed nude for a book! I don't know how many siblings he has, their names, how many cousins I have, what he did for a living, any of his favorite things, hobbies or interests. Even though I don't like the man and we do NOT get along, I would still like to know these things!
Even though Sam's mom, Kay, has lied to me and I have dropped contact with her, I still ask S questions about her. I still like to find things out about S's family so I know for Emma and baby.
Then my family on the other hand, they are secret people. They will be honest with you, but there are a LOT of things you don't know. I have learned that as I have gotten old and if I ask questions specifically I can get to the bottom of things.