Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Barking up the Wrong Tree

Now I'm fairly open minded, I realize that other people have different opinions then me, but the other day I was really offended at what my friend said. I thought about e-mailing her and telling her how I feel, but hubby said not to and just to drop it. But I need to put it on here because it is foster care/ adoption related...

My friend who I was talking to, without going into too many personal details, had a rough childhood. Her dad was physically abusive and her brother was sexually abusive. She told me about someone she had been talking to told her they suspected the abuse was going on and wished they had done some thing. My friend then went on to tell me how HORRIBLE it would of been to end up in foster care. "I would of bounced from home to home to home. I'd take the abuse over foster care!" She proceeded to bash on how horrible foster care is..... Uh, excuse me?!?! Seriously, you are telling ME how bad foster care is?!? Me, who is adopting a beautiful, perfect little girl out of foster care! Me, who has had 3 other foster kids and knows how significantly better their lives were in foster care! Please, in 20 years ask my daughter if she wishes she was never placed in foster care!

I hate how foster care as the stigma of kids going from home to home to home! So, not true! Yes, sometimes that does happen, but not always! In all our cases: Ben, came to our home as his first foster home and then went to his sister, who adopted him. Ben finally started thriving! It was the most amazing thing to see. I took a picture of him the day after we got him and one in the same pose the week he left. When we got him, he was ghostly white, sick, couldn't cry, the list goes on. He was a different kid a few months later. He was active, healthy and happy. DCFS actually used my comparison picture in court to terminate his parent's rights! I bet he's not going to be upset in 15 years that the state took him out of that home!

Madison and Isaac were both in 2 different foster home before I got them. Madison's foster family had an emergnacy and could no longer take her. DCFS decided to try to find a home to take both Madison and Isaac since Madison needed a new foster home, that's when I got them. Madison also changed a lot while in our home. She realized that there was always going to be food and she didn't have to freak out at the end of meals. She also got through a lot of separation anxiety! Then, there was a lot of reason, but the main one was my doctor could not get my cycle to stop and was going to be doing a D&C, if that didn't work then I would be having an emergency hysterectomy. So we decided it would be best to take a break from foster care. Madison and Isaac then went to a relative who adopted them! After they left my doctor was finally able to control my cycle without surgery, but we still took a much needed break.

Emma, we were the first and only foster home she ever went to! and Payson, will also just got straight to his adoptive home! :)

Now, I too come from an abusive home. I don't know what it would of been like in foster care, but I can honestly say that it couldn't of been much worse then what I was living in. I think if I had been take (which I think would of been close to impossible, my physical needs were met and it was verbal abuse, never physical) that it would of not been the end of the world. It wouldn't of been horrible. My parents (more like just my dad) would of had to go to counseling for his drinking and his abuse if they wanted to work to get me back. I would of been away from the all the crap and with people who (hopefully) cared about me and was in a good environment.

I personally have never heard anyone who was ever in Foster Care say, I wish I had stayed with my abusive, neglectful, drug addict or alcoholic family!

Even Emma's mom has told me that she's so happy with how things turned out! Obviously she doesn't really like "the system", but she wouldn't change a single thing!

I know that there are bad foster homes, but there are a lot of good ones too! And trust me, if you think people do it for the money, you are wrong! With Ben and Emma we seems to have more extra after paying for clothes and diapers thanks to WIC paying for their food. But with Isaac and Madison, seriously, we didn't have a penny of the "money we made" on their care to spare after paying for things for them! Food, clothes, diapers, pull ups, toys, medications Medicaid didn't cover and such, we literally broke even, so we definitely were NOT doing it for the money!
-and to my friend who said these things, sorry but this is how I feel. If you want to complain about how horrible you think your life would of been in foster care then take it to someone who is NOT a foster parents!

1 comment:

Lauren said...

I work with abused/neglected children & dysfunctional families and, well... a lot of foster homes blow. I think our state is particularly lax in who they'll accept, because a lot of people become foster parents so they can live off the stipends. Isn't that horrible? But it's true. Plus a lot of kids get placed who have special issues, and very, very few of the families know how to handle them. It's a mess. I can definitely understand the stigma that comes along with foster care, but more attention needs to be paid to people like you who are doing an amazing thing and making children's lives better.