I just read this post and wanted to blog about it.
I've thought about this same things. When we got Ben our caseworker told me that he was "meant" to be ours. She went on and on about how the only reason he came into this world was to be in our family. As a new foster parent it was easy for me to remember the foster care classes, that ANYTHING can happen in your case. I knew it was NEVER a for sure thing. She also told me that Ben's 1/2 sister was interested in kinship. Although I knew from the second I saw him that he wasn't meant to be mine forever, I fell madly in love with him. It was hard to hear that his 1/2 sister got approved to take him and they were just waiting on the ICPC (Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children), which took another 2 months. It made it even harder because everyone said Landon was meant to be ours because he looked Exactly like my husband! When we go our sibling group I knew they also were not ours and I didn't fall in love with them like I did with Ben.
Our caseworker was trying to get us a placement. I've lost count of how many placements we've been called about because you don't always get them. Do I honestly think that he "prayed" or had any spiritual inclination that J was meant to be in our home, NO. I think it is chance. It has been a pure miracle, the most amazing thing that her mom loves us and wants us to adopt her daughter! At first I didn't feel one way or the other, but as time when by my feelings got stronger and stronger that it would go to adoption. Oh and everyone says that she looks exactly like me!
But, like Brittany has posted about, the The Genetics of Adoption, "physical 'resemblance' is the proof that the baby was meant to be in your family." Yes it flatters me when people talk about how cute J is and how she looks exactly like me. But no, I do not think that it means she is meant to be ours! What about all those couples with bi-racial children???