Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Destiny or Chance?

I just read this post and wanted to blog about it.

I've thought about this same things. When we got Ben our caseworker told me that he was "meant" to be ours. She went on and on about how the only reason he came into this world was to be in our family. As a new foster parent it was easy for me to remember the foster care classes, that ANYTHING can happen in your case. I knew it was NEVER a for sure thing. She also told me that Ben's 1/2 sister was interested in kinship. Although I knew from the second I saw him that he wasn't meant to be mine forever, I fell madly in love with him. It was hard to hear that his 1/2 sister got approved to take him and they were just waiting on the ICPC (Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children), which took another 2 months. It made it even harder because everyone said Landon was meant to be ours because he looked Exactly like my husband! When we go our sibling group I knew they also were not ours and I didn't fall in love with them like I did with Ben.

Our caseworker was trying to get us a placement. I've lost count of how many placements we've been called about because you don't always get them. Do I honestly think that he "prayed" or had any spiritual inclination that J was meant to be in our home, NO. I think it is chance. It has been a pure miracle, the most amazing thing that her mom loves us and wants us to adopt her daughter! At first I didn't feel one way or the other, but as time when by my feelings got stronger and stronger that it would go to adoption. Oh and everyone says that she looks exactly like me!

But, like Brittany has posted about, the The Genetics of Adoption, "physical 'resemblance' is the proof that the baby was meant to be in your family." Yes it flatters me when people talk about how cute J is and how she looks exactly like me. But no, I do not think that it means she is meant to be ours! What about all those couples with bi-racial children???

1 comment:

Que and Brittany's Adoption Journal said...

Exactly. I just think people are saying what they think we want to hear.

I want to ask them "What if Liam was hispanic or african american? Does that mean he would not be meant to be in our family?" But they just don't have experience with adoption, so I don't say that. :)

Looks have nothing to do with "proof" that an adopted baby was "correctly" placed with your family.

Looking back, I can name 1000 things that happened that let us all know that he is right where he is supposed to be... and none of them have anything to do with looks.