Saturday, February 6, 2010

How to Cope With Baby Showers During Infertility

By FaithAllen (link to article here)

Dealing with baby showers is one of the most challenging parts of enduring infertility. While you are putting your body and marriage through numerous stressors in order to become pregnant, you are invited to celebrate another woman's joy in expecting a baby. A baby shower invitation can feel like life is slapping you in the face. As much as you want to be happy for your friend, you cannot help but feel deep grief for yourself. Here is how to cope with baby showers during infertility.

  1. Give yourself permission to be upset. When you receive an invitation to a baby shower, you will likely feel a strong urge to cry. As soon as you can get some time alone, allow yourself to shed those tears without feeling any guilt. It is okay to be sad for yourself that you have been denied a similar celebration.
  2. Order the gift over the Internet. Do not force yourself to browse through baby items in a store. Instead, select one gift from an Internet site to become your standard baby shower gift. Each time you receive a baby shower invitation, order the gift over the Internet and have the gift shipped to the woman's house.
  3. Skip the baby shower. When at all possible, send your regrets and make other plans. Unless you are very close to the mother-to-be, there is no good reason to put yourself through the pain of attending a baby shower. Your choice to miss the baby shower is a gift to the mother-to-be, who would probably prefer to have a room filled with people who are sincerely happy for her good fortune.
  4. Show up late and leave early. If you must attend a baby shower, then minimize how long you are there. Let the mother-to-be know that you will not be able to stay long. Make an appearance and then leave as soon as you can.
  5. Cry in the bathroom. If you feel your tears welling up during the baby shower, excuse yourself to the bathroom. Stay there until you pull yourself together. In addition to giving yourself an outlet for your tears, you will spare the mother-to-be from being in an awkward situation of comforting you while celebrating her own joy.
  6. Nurture yourself after the baby shower. After you leave the baby shower, do something nice for yourself. Set aside time to grieve, if needed. Take good care of yourself.
  7. Forgive yourself. Let go of self-directed anger for getting upset at or about the baby shower. Many women who are struggling with infertility have the same reaction to baby showers that you did. It is okay to get upset.

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