When we got our first foster son, Ben, a lot of people jumped to the conclusion that we were going to be adopting him. Man, did I love that baby! I also knew there was a good chance we would not be adopting him. I didn’t tell anyone we would be, people just assumed we were. I remember standing in the DCFS parking lot trying to hid my tears under my sunglasses as our caseworker told me we would not be adopting him. To add salt to the wound about 30 seconds later I was dropping something off to my husband, his boss saw Ben for the first time and said, “Wow, he looks exactly like you guys!” He didn’t mean any harm, but it stung bad.
The next Sunday, I can’t remember what my visiting teacher said, but it resulted in me telling her about how we weren’t going to be adopting Ben. I went to the bathroom and bawled! I finally pulled myself together and went into Relief Society. During the lesson Ben crawled all the way up to the front of the room. The lady teaching the lesson picked him up and went on and on for 5 minutes (maybe it wasn’t that long, but it seemed like it to me!) about how grateful she was that I was going to get to raise Ben forever....
Sometimes you only get 3 weeks or 3 months with a little one. As I have learned throughout the years, as hard as it sometimes when they leave they were not meant to be yours. My heart broke (a LOT) when Ben left. I still miss him. But nothing can replace the joy I experience with my own 2 kids knowing they were both meant to me mine! Sometimes it is hard to wait, knowing someone is getting a baby when you are not. But once you get the child that you know is meant to be yours all the pain and heart-ache (or at least a lot of it) goes away...
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1 comment:
Well said and yes some times it is so very hard to handle the loving and releasing of these beautiful kids! We move on and forward with a smile on our face but not always smiling on the inside. ~hugs~
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