Saturday, September 29, 2012

Why I want contact...

I’m sitting at my desk trying to come up with some type of letter or card for Kim. What one earth do you day? “Thank you for your baby. I love him.”

I am flooded with mixed emotions. It is our “closure visit” with her in 15 hours. When we had Emma’s closure visit with Sam, it was a nightmare. I have zero information on Samantha. I knew her first and last name. I couldn’t find her on Facebook or MySpace because she has a very common name. I had no pictures of her either. She didn’t show up to the first closure visit, or the second. I was devastated. I thought for sure my daughter would grow up not knowing who her birth family was or what they even looked like. Finally, she showed up on the third attempt. I could not have been more relieved. And now look at our relationship! :)

With Braxdon, I could care less if we never have a closure visit. Wait, don’t get mad at me… I already have found his mom on Facebook, not friends with her, but still know she is there. I have already snagged pictures off her Facebook of her and her with Braxdon. Plus there is the whole I am friends with Kim’s sister deal. I have no fear of no pictures or no info like I did with Emma, so this visit is just an added bonus!

Back to my story. So I’m trying to write something down, but I’m at a loss of words. All I can think about is WHY I want to stay in contact with her (and Samantha). It’s kind of weird that now, all of a sudden, it is hitting me why it is so important to me. As I look back over my life, being adopted by my grandparents and all, the 1 thing they did right was let me be in control of the contact I had with my birth dad. How sad is that? But, it taught me so much for now being an adoptive mom. I liked that I could e-mail my birth dad without my parents hovering, I could say I want to see him and my parents made sure it was safe and when it came to it, I said I didn’t want contact and they respected that. They never told me what to do, they never said anything negative about him, until I admitted I didn’t like him. This all went on when I was 13 and I was mature enough to understand it all. I want my kids to experience that too. Hopefully I will do more than 1 thing right!!!

My kids are too little to tell me what or how much contact they want with their birth parents. So in the meantime, I stay in contact with them and when they are old enough they can decide for themselves what contact they want. If they want contact I will already be in contact with them and it won’t be a big deal to continue that relationship. If they don’t want contact, then that is their decision.

… back to my letter. Ahhh, anyone want to write it for me? … Update, I did some up with something. Um, at least I can say the card is cute! LOL

No comments: