Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Guest Post by Devin
I'm trying to get back into doing guest post, I've been slacking lately! So to re-start I'll start with my friend Devin! Devin and I met (almost) 8 years ago. Holy cow, has it really been that long? We met on Church History Tour and became friends, then we got an apartment together/ became roommates (up until I went and got married)! So, here is Devin's post- I'd like to start off by thanking Dawn for letting me guest blog! I love talking about adoption, getting our story out there, and being apart of the adoption world. I'm actually not going to talk about our adoption story in this post though. If you want to view our story, please refer to our blog (www.jndpayne.blogspot.com). For this post, I'd like to talk about a couple of things that have recently been on my mind. Adoption can be a wonderful, sacred, and uplifting process. Adoption is all this and more, when it is done right. By "done right" I mean, there's open communication and respect within the adoption triad (adoptive parents, birth family, and the adoptee). Unfortunately many people are for one reason or another getting hurt in that adoption triad, so they totally dismiss adoption and may even become anti-adoption. These situations make me sad to see because of how special adoption really is. Next, I would like to talk about open adoption. Open adoption means that everyone expands their family. The adoptive family and the birth family join together and expand. For example with our birth family, we want to invite them over for family events, birthdays, Christmas and other events. On our side we do not want to separate our child from their birth family. On the birth family side they get to see the children grow up. For grandparents what more do you want? For the child they get to know that both their birth and adoptive families love and care for them. This is the ideal situation for everyone. In the past many adoptions where closed and the children and the birth parents did not have regular contact. The children had a longing to know where they came from. A good open adoption allows the everyone to work together and help raise well adjusted children. To me, open adoption is when the birth family KNOWS and loves the adoptee too. By knowing the adoptee, I mean they know what the adoptee likes/doesn't like, where they are at in life, etc. The third thing that's on my mind is... there's people out there that know of someone who wants to place, and they know someone who is trying to adopt. As that mutual person, they are afraid to talk to the expectant parent, for fear of offending. This is a hard situation to be in. People want to help both of their friends but do not want to offend either. I will say that if you don't say anything then you never know what beautiful opportunity may have been missed. Many times the birth family is under extreme amounts of stress, due to their present situation. Please be considerate of their needs. As an intermediary here are a few things you can do. 1) Talk to them with sensitivity, but TALK TO THEM! 2) Have the expectant family over for dinner/dessert/game night/etc., with the hopeful adoptive family and let them talk about adoption. Both sides are probably well equipped to discuss the topic. Even if things do not work out between your friends there is usually not any animosity between adoptive families and birth families who do not place with each other. 3) Ask the adoptive couple for a pass along card! A lot of adoptive couples have them. If the adoptive couple does not, then get basic contact information to pass along. Any Wal-Mart or office supply location has business cards you can print on your computer. Just pass the information along. Thanks so much for reading my rantings! Please feel free to look at our blog, e-mail, comment, etc. Thanks so much again, Dawn, for this opportunity!!