Sunday, March 27, 2011

Infertility Sucks.... Again!

We've all been there, when the hurt of infertility brings us to tears. You dis-like seeing pregnant woman, or hearing anything pregnancy related and so on. For years it was hard, very very hard. Even when we had our first 3 foster kids it was hard. From the time we decided to do foster care again up until, well now, I was doing fine! I still got the cringe of envy every time someone in my ward announced they were pregnant, but all and all I was okay.

Then last August I thought, it's finally my turn! I mean, I don't get to be pregnant, but I get everything else that goes along with it.

When my husband and I are asked about the baby my husband's story is "She lied!" and then goes into the WHOLE story. My simplyed answer, "She had a miscarriage." then eventually the person asks, When? "4 months into the pregnancy. Just found out though." It seems easier that way.

Last Wednesday my Visiting Teachers came over, neither of them had heard. So I shared the whole story. To be honest, I'm doing great about the whole thing! I'd be doing better then there wasn't 6 other people in my ward all due around the same time our baby was due! But, the infertility hurt is back, bad!

Church with Emma isn't always pleasant. She is rather active and still 1 month and 3 weeks away from going to nursery. Today we spend almost 2 of the 3 hours wandering the halls. During Sunday School I ran into my visiting teacher, whom I also visit teach (Yeah, we don't get why they set it up like that, but we don't mind!). She asked how I was doing with all the Sam drama, Good. As we talked I kept saying I was doing good, but as I thought about the month to come and hear about/ seeing all the babies due around the same time as "ours" I started tearing up. I explained to her that it (the tears) wasn't all about feeling hurt by what Sam did, it's feeling the infertility hurt and sadness.

Ugggg... Why does it have to be hard again? I've been fine with my infertility for over 2 years now!


MamaSalmon said...

I feel you on the hurt of infertility. i have PCOS and i dont think conception is going to happen again for me either. Its exactly why Becoming a Foster Mother has become so important for me, it kills me every day not being able to have children when its all ive ever really wanted. *sighs*

Browniris said...

I just read through a lot of your recent posts, and I am so sorry to hear what you are having to deal with. I can't imagine how hard it would be. I do know it is hard to go to church and see so many pregnant women. I am glad that your visiting teachers and others are being supportive of you!

Shans said...

Infertility sucks! I feel your pain on that. 11 women are pregnant in my ward. It's almost a joke now!