Friday, January 14, 2011

Not Sugar Coated

I've gotten a few e-mails lately from new readers saying how they love how open and honest I am. I wrote a post for my personal blog and thought, wow I really don't sugar coat things! I grew up in a family that "beats around the bush". I grew up being very closed up, I didn't share the bad things I kept them bottled up. When I was 19 I started counseling, that story you can find (here), and I eventually really started opening up. I'm now too open and honest about things, but I like it that way! So I decided it was time for a blog makeover!

And, an update on the Samantha situation... Still no idea what is going on. My being mad as subsided to I just want to know the complete truth and I don't care if I don't go to a single doctor's appointment or even get to see the baby being born. I just want to know what is going on and to know she isn't changing her mind. As many times as she tells me she is, when things like that happen I fear she actually is. I just can't wait until he is here and I don't have to stress so much over these things. After today I wondered, how many more adoptions can I handle?!? Baby's has been so much more stressful then Emma's! Man, I actually prefer dealing with DCFS and getting them once they're born then all the drama that has gone on in the past 5 months! Now, I am excited for the newborn, for the littleness. Everyone keeps telling me I'll hate the colic and no sleeping... I'm still excited.

I finally heard from Samantha, 1 1/2 days after the appointment mess. Problem #1, she doesn't have a phone, which is going to change today! Problem #2, she doesn't have a car. Problem #3, she doesn't have the Internet. So she had NO way to contact me, and her friend who's phone she uses was out of town. I asked her what happened and she said she over slept. Okay, I believe that, but why on earth did the doctor's office say she didn't have an appointment? No clue.

I've been asked, what if she's faking the whole pregnancy? Been there, done that. If you're new to my blog, back in October Sam's mom "Kay" sent me a message that Sam wasn't pregnant. I asked how she knew and she said she had bought Sam tampons. She then refused to give me a straight answer about anything and got mad at me when I wouldn't "chat" with her online. It was a very emotionally draining few days thinking that she was lying to me. A few days later Kay told me she was arrested and was in the same town as us, She was living 3 hours away. I looked online and it was actually true. I found out she was in town on Tuesday and the only time they have jail visits was Saturday. It was a long few days. I got there and I was pissed, how could she lie to me about this. She swore to me she really was and made the good point that she had Nothing to gain and her open adoption with Emma to lose.

I then visited her about every other week and went to all her court stuff until she got out a few days before Christmas. I've personally seen her belly starting to show. On Monday she was the one to tell me to feel it. I've felt my sister's pregnant belly (with 2 kids) and I'm familiar with my not pregnant belly and my cousin had me feel her belly right after she delivered her son when I was 9. It definitely felt pregnant. I thought I felt baby move a little, but I'm not sure. She told me she'll have me feel if he ever kicks or moves when I'm around. And FYI, she is big boned and her pregnant belly plus her baggy clothes don't show as much as other people's pregnant belly's do. I am 99.9% sure she is really pregnant.

Last night as we texted I flat out told her I'm just freaked out she's changing her mind. She reassured me that she doesn't want kids! I love her to death, but she is so young and immature. She likes to drink, smoke and party and when she's not pregnant,she occasionally does weed. She has been so honest with me about her drug useage, which makes me believe her about other things. Why would she tell me she did do weed while she had Emma in her custody, she OD'd the day after she decided to relinquish, has done Meth and started drugs at 13, but then lie to me about being pregnant? No she is not using while being pregnant with baby or Emma. In fact on Monday she asked to come over, when I picked her up she was waiting outside and she told me her friends were doing weed so she needed to get out of there!

Today we're going to our city's new aquatic center! I'm so excited to go. My husband doesn't want to because it's opening day and it's free so it will be packed. But, Sam's going with us!

1 comment:

Browniris said...

Wow, this seems so overwhelming! I can see and understand why you would be nervous. Hopefully she will keep being honest and open with you!

I know I haven't commented for a while, but I wanted to let you know that I really enjoy your blog. I am LDS too, so it is always nice to read things from people with similar views.