Monday, August 2, 2010

It just took 6 years...

Today in Sacrament meeting I was wrestling with a fussy baby. I felt doomed for a crappy day at church. My little girl is a blanky baby and we had forgotten a blanket at home! Nice... She will sleep without one, just not as well. Case and point, her nap lasted less then 5 minutes after leaving the mother's lounge and we decided to skip the rest of church!

It was also Fast and Testimony meeting. I don't remember who said it, but someone mentioned, do what you are supposed to and you will be blessed! Can anyone else say, Blahhhhh. I mean, really? Am I the only infertile woman who cringes when she hears that! Numerous people mentioned it. "We went on a mission and came home to a granddaughter that married in the temple and a new grand baby. See, do what is right and you are blessed!"

It was 3 years ago that I really remember being mad at God. Our foster son Ben had just left. We had been asked about a 2 year old boy. We went and met him and I fell in love with him. I was convinced that he was meant to be mine. When we found out that DCFS has decided place him in a different home I lost it. The home they placed him in had biological kids along with some adopted, while I was still childless! It's the only time I was angry with God, how could he deny me a child! It just wasn't fair!

For 6 long years I struggled. I was as good as I could be. I almost said perfect, but I wasn't perfect. It didn't matter HOW righteous I was, I was NOT blessed with a baby. I can't really say I was blessed immensely in other way either: we're broke, hubby has crappy job, my health isn't perfect, and the list goes on. Sorry, not complaining, besides the point. Do what is right and you will be blessed.

I was Finally able to look down at my daughter and thought, "It just took 6 years...."


Giorgianni said...

Thank you so much for allowing me to follow your blog. I'm near tears. It gives me hope that maybe our six long years will soon be over! So is your adoption for baby J finalized or are you still in the process? It's so encouraging to hear a story like yours. Again, thank you for sharing it with me! God Bless you and your family!

Tami said...

Oh how I can relate with your post! I cringe too when people say that. Do what is right huh? It took me 6 LONG years to conceive our first baby, only to have it ripped from us a month later. We also haven't been blessed in other ways either. Living with family, health is bad, it just goes on!
I think for me I have to look at the strength I have developed. I just have to guess God has a purpose for everything that's happening...its the only thing that keeps me sane! I really hope for you that your adoption goes through smoothly. I love reading your blog! :)