Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Unexpected Surprise!

We are telling my hubby's parent this news on Friday so if any family reads this don't tell them!
Well it all started Monday. Our caseworker came over for her monthly visit and later that night called me. She asked if we could switch Emma's visit with her birth mom around to 5 PM because Emma's mom wanted to talk to the caseworker before the visit. Our caseworker then told me, she is thinking about relinquishing her parental right, meaning we would be able to adopt Emma. I was surprised and the case worker explained that she has realized she can't provide for Emma and wants to do what is best for her. Our caseworker told me, I'm not trying to get your hopes up I just wanted to let you know what was going on.

I was anxious all day Tuesday, not knowing what to expect to happen when I got to DCFS. I got there before Emma's mom and I was kinda glad because I got to talk to the case worker before Emma's mom did. I really opened up to her and told her personal things and added, if it helps Emma's mom we want an open adoption! It isn't something I ever thought would be possible in foster care, but when we were looking to adopted a baby at birth I dreamed of an open adoption. The case worker loved that we were open to an open adoption. Emma's mom got there so I left the room while they talked. The case worker came out and got me and I flat out asked her, is she going to relinquish? .... Yes, but she has a few questions for you! I took a minute to breath before going in.

I was shockingly calm! Emma's mom, the case worker and I all talked and it was the most amazing experience! I wish I could remember every word that was said so I could write it down for Emma. Her mom is so amazing I'm in total aw right now. She really dug deep and found that she wanted what is best for Emma. She realized she can't provide for her the way that Brad and I can. She flat out said, I can BS my way through DCFS' hoops and get Emma back, but I don't know where I'll be in 6 months. At first she thought DCFS was out to get it, but she has realized they aren't. It's so hard to watch her and the pain she is in, her family doesn't support her and is telling her she is a worst mother because she wants to "give up". She made sure Brad and I were 100% for sure wanting to adopt Emma, because if she relinquished she wanted us and only us to adopt her and not have us back out. Of course we do want her and would never decide we don't! She kept saying over and over again that she was doing it because she loves Emma so much and you could tell that it was her motivation. She asked if we have other kids and when I told her about our situation I think she found comfort in it. She told me, well I can have kids but I can't provide for them, but you can have kids so I will bless you with mine! She kept saying how blessed she felt to have Brad and I in her life to raise Emma. It is really the other way around, I can't describe the feeling of being childless for 6 years and then this person decides to give you their child for your own! I never in a million years ever thought something like this would be possible through Foster Care. I reassured her that Emma will be raised knowing that her birth mom didn't just give her up, or give up on trying to get her back, but truly did it because she loved her SOOOO much! We also talked about "open adoption", obviously DCFS doesn't really do open adoptions but with the birth parents and the adoptive parents agree to it then they do whatever they want. Emma's mom talked about how her other kids adoptive parents agree to an open adoption but then went back on their word. If they run into her in public they won't even let her hug her kids. Yeah, my heart about broke when she said that. I will never do that to her (unless for some reason I feel like there is a threat of her kidnapping Emma, which I don't see happening.) I gave her my e-mail address and blog address so she can keep in contact.

When we first got Emma I was nervous about meeting her mom, but I also knew how vital it was. While we talked she told me that was the first thing she admired in us is that we just walked in and wanted to meet her! As foster parents if I didn't want to, I could never meet our foster kids parents, but I have always found it helpful. She also said she believes God places people in our lives for a reason and we are meant to be Emma's parents!

I might add more as I remember more, but for now my mind is in shock. I still don't think it has set in, it is too mind boggling to sink in yet. We still need a court day to finalize the mom's relinquishment, but she is 100% for sure decided to do it!


QuackenBaby said...

What fantasic news for you and J. What a strong person J's mom was to admit that she can't do this, and is putting J's needs before her own.

I know you must be so excited, yet sad at the same time for J's mom.

I am so happy that you will get to move forward in the process and be J's parents forever! :)

Lechelle said...

Such a precious miracle for this to work out so beautifully. We are very happy for you!