Tuesday, May 22, 2012

But it’s not the same….

One of my friend is expecting her first baby, though adoption, in July. The other day on Facebook she was stressing out about some ups and downs. A mutual friend of ours said, “You are going through the same process as every other mom on the planet... only difference is the kid isn't in your tummy. “

After ready that comment and then my experience at the Doctors office, I couldn’t stop thinking about how different it really is. Not in a bad way, just things that happen to me as a foster mom would NEVER happen to non-foster parents.

I had Braxdon’s well child check that all foster kids (At least in Utah) get within 30 days of coming into care. We are not morning people at my house, and of course the appointment was early. My husband had to get up early to watch Emma because I didn’t want to take both kids. I drove across town, go in and find out, his appointment is the next day (also way early AM)! Are you kidding me? When I called my husband he was mad until I explained it wasn’t the Doctors office fault. There was no one person to blame other then, Braxdon’s in foster care! So what happened? Our CPS worker made the appointment and gave the previous foster mom the info. That time didn’t work for her so she re-scheduled it. The CPS worker didn’t know that so he gave me the original info. I had no idea the date had been switched. Meanwhile at the doctor’s office, they didn't know he had switched homes/ who to call to confirm the appointment (which would have been too late anyways). … As I drove home I kept thinking, this wouldn’t happen if he wasn’t in foster care because I would be the only one making appointments and I would be the contact info person who they would call to confirm appointments or let me know of changes. I wasn’t mad, just a thought I had. Yep, totally the same experiences as every other mom out there...

The #1 questions we are asked right now, “If it came to adoption Braxdon, would you want to?” YES!

I don’t mean for this to sound bad, but he is the third foster child I have had that I have been completely madly in love with (Emma, duh, and Ben, being the other 2)! What I mean is, sometimes you get difficult kids or you know they are not meant to be yours. You love them, but not as deeply as the ones you know are meant to be your child or meant to be in your life. I didn’t adopt Ben, but man did I love that kid! He was my first. I still think about him from time to time…. Which reminds me, I never blogged about what happened.

It was an average day, wondering around our local store. Chandler had just left. I knew he had other siblings out there that I didn’t know. We were walking along and his girl see me and stops. She says “Hi” and I look at her like, “Do I know you/ who the heck are you?” She then says, “You had my brother in foster care.” My mind flashed, Chandler’s sister? How on earth does she know who I am…” Then I realize its Ben’s sister! I was just floored. It’s been 5 YEARS since I have seen her. She had a birthday while we had Ben and I put together a little photo album of picture I had taken of Ben and one I had taken of the two of them together. After we closed our file and then opened if again, we htad to meet with RAC again. While talking with the "Regional Adoption Committee" someone there said, “Oh yeah, You’re the foster mom that made the photo album for Ben’s sister! Her family is still talking about that!” That right there is why I love foster care! Not for the glory that I was the one who did that, but for doing little things in kids lives that makes a difference!

I’ve been a little torn lately. We have decided that if we adopt Braxdon/ once we adopt #2, we’re done… I admire those people who adopt lots of kids out of foster care, but I don’t think that is for us. I feel like I need to focus on my children and my business. With each placement it feels like it takes me more and more time to re-adjust back to working. I feel like it is selfish of me to want to focus on my career over having lots of kids, but I also feel like that is what is best for our family! My husband does a great job at providing for us, but if we get this business going it would be even better…. Anyways, I feel a little sad that we might be done doing foster care. I love it, I love the people that I have met and the caseworkers we’ve had. I am accepting that I will only have 2 children (wither it’s Braxdon or not) and remind myself that 2 is better than none and I want Emma to have at least 1 sibling. Okay, enough ramblings for tonight!

No comments: