Friday, September 16, 2011

Foster Care Friday: Would You?

I know the world of open adoptions in foster care is small. I don’t know how many couples out there have one, but I’m sure there’s not many. I know a number of foster parents who view birth parents as bad or scary people. We should look past their mistakes and see them for who they really are. How would you like it if people looked at you and only saw your flaws and mistakes? Some birth parents view the foster parents as the bad people. They are in foster care to steal away the birth parents baby and their only motive is to adopt, not to help in any way.

I’m glad that I’ve had some great experiences with foster care and that I don’t view the birth parents in a negative way. After hearing comments from foster parents like “Make sure the birth parents don’t even know your names, in case it goes to adoption.” It got me thinking… I know each case is different, but how likely am I to do an open adoption again in foster care? What about my past placements, would I of done an open adoption with any of them?

Ben: His dad and I got along really well and had a lot of one on one interaction. I never meet the birth mom, but I think she would be #1 reason I wouldn’t do an open adoption. After really thinking about it, I can’t say 100% if I would or would not.

Isaac and Madison: The way our case was going (4 years ago), I would do semi-open with their birth mom. I would be open for visits at the park or other public places and e-mail correspondents.

I forgot about Joey.... Last night I was at the store and I thought I was his mom, but wasn't 100% it was her. Then she saw me and came over, "HI!!!" We talked for a minute, she showed me a new picture of Joey on her phone. It was nice talking to her and oddly enough, I really enjoy it. Would I do open with her? Ummmm, you want a shocking secret I've kept??? Emma's birthmom, Sam, and Joey's birthmom are friends! There is more to the story, but it's too crazy to share. Now, the weird thing is, Joey's mom doesn't know that Emma is "Jay" so it's been no big deal. IF we adopted Joey, it would only be a matter of time until Sam either figured it out, or Joey's mom did or someone tells the other person. Other then the fact that Sam and Joey's mom are friends, I really do think I'd like an open adoption with them! Well, we don't have Joey any more and I really do hope they can work and get him back, I'm just saying hypothetically!

Social Media: I would with all my cases (past and possibly future) do like I’ve done with Emma. Because the way I do it still protects our identity so there is nothing to fear! I’ve posted about it a number of times, but once again, what I’ve done is made Emma her own Facebook page. I do NOT include our last name, her middle name, where we live, our address, or pictures of us. Instead of putting her adoptive name, I use her birth name along with just “Emma”. I post pictures of her and what she is up to, new things she says and things she loves. I also felt very safe when we first started our open adoption with Sam with e-mailing each other. That way she didn’t have our physical address or phone number, but we could still stay in contact. She did/does know our last name, but that’s never been an issue. Even with her knowing where we live, it was never a big deal. Each case is different and just go with your gut


Rebecca Hawkes said...

Hi. I have an open foster care adoption. My daughter's birth/first mother is great. She actually started her own blog just today, and her first post is about her relationship with me and our daughter. I think you might find it interesting:

Sassy Christian Momma said...

we are headed into FC in a few months- have had all the training and such and have current adoption right now! We have contemplated openness in FC and we are for it- IF we all respect each other's boundaries and can do what's best for the child, always. Understanding that some BP's in FC may not like that someone has their child/ren- i think most people will see the good in us and that we truly just want to HELP children, regardless if we have them for a month or forever. God need more Foster Parents like YOU:)