Thursday, March 31, 2011

Does it ever end?

When we first found out there was no baby Brad kept saying, “We’re going to be explaining this for a LONG time!” It has been 3 weeks now and although most people know, it still feels like it is dragging on every time someone doesn’t know.

Right after we found out I ran into someone from our ward who of course asked me about the baby. No one knew at that point, not even our families. I didn’t really tell her much other then we weren’t getting the baby. Wednesday night she asked me about it again… How else do I explain it? I still didn’t really tell her anything. Sorry if you ask me about it and I’m just not in the mood to share!

Then of course 15 minutes after she asked our Stake Relief Society President came up to me and asked about the baby too! I just told her, “No, we’re not adopting another baby.” It was however, the first time I was not bombarded with questions! Nope, not a single question as to why! It was heaven!

Later I realized, well duh she didn’t ask questions… Her daughter does foster care and she knows we do foster care and she totally gets confidentiality and stuff like this! Since realizing that it has put my mind in spiral thinking about confidentiality in foster care, or should I say people’s lack of respect of our confidentiality! I don’t remember it being so bad with Ben, Isaac and Madison, but with Emma, we could not pay people to stop asking questions!

It really bugged me when before we ever got a placement we told people, we cannot tell you anything once we do get a kid. Then their first reaction to the announcement that we got a placement (on my Facebook wall might I add) “Details, details, details!” Then when told in person we can’t share details they denied saying such a thing on Facebook! Oh well, not the end of the world, it just bugs me when people think my foster kids’ life is an open book! They just don’t get, “I don’t care if you are my family… I still cannot tell you!”

With Emma we got a lot of: Why was she taken? Does the mom do drugs? What kind of drugs does she do? What’s the mom’s name? Does Jay have any siblings? What are their names? Where does the mom live? What about the dad? And many, many more!

I’ve decided with any future placements, I not even going to tell my husband the details because A) he has a big mouth and B) he’s a push over, ask more than once and he’ll spill the beans! Well, that is unless I’m with him and I enforce “No, we can NOT talk about it!”

I’ve heard that people asking such questions about a foster child is like us asking them about their sex life. Honestly my response to any questions I get with future foster kids, “So, what position where you in when you conceived your child? See, intimate personal details that you don’t want to share!!!” Because, “Please, stop asking!” Does not work!

Okay, my vent on confidentiality is over!


MamaSalmon said...

Im sorry sweets,
some people just dont get it.
and for some reason they have been conditioned to believe
that you're lying when you
simply say "i cant tell you."

I'd tell them, maybe you should go look up foster care and confidentiality.

i understand that this has been rough on you, its kind of like the way you'd grieve about having a miscarriage, its nearing the same on the loss level.
I dont think you should give up on having another child one day via foster care, i just think that now, you should allow yourself to get through this loss and some some quality mommy daughter bonding time with your Emma. Children seem to help the grieving process so much more.

*Hugs* - Nikki

Ashley said...

Yeah, that bugs me when people ask questions about Julia. Nobody's business. Period.