Wednesday, September 29, 2010

It's About, Love

I just realized that I never posted about this. So I know this girl (she is between 18 and 25), I'll call her Allie. Allie knows us pretty well, she knows our past with foster kids, she knows Emma, but not a lot of details about our case (which I don't want her to know anything, especially after this). A few days after Emma's birth mom decided to relinquish I ran into Allie. She asked me, so when are you adopting her? I told her October or November and said her sister (one of my good friends) must of told her. "No, I was just curious. So the state finally terminated the mom's rights?" I told her that it was actually the mom's decision and the amazing experience we had. Allie remarks, "How can someone just not love their child and just give her away!" I attempted to explain, No, she did it Because she loved Emma very much and wanted to do what was best for her! Allie, "If you Love your kid then you would keep her. She much be heartless to just give away Emma like that!" The conversation went back and forth like that for a few minutes before I finally left.

"Adoption, it's about... LOVE!"

My mind keeps going back to the first Sunday after we got Emma. I keep thinking about this post where I said-

Then I met Emma. I didn't get the feelings that she wasn't mine, but I didn't get the feelings that she was. My thoughts and feel were, "go with the flow." I wrote a post on my personal blog only 4 days after we got Emma, I did not add that the main reason why I got up and bore my testimony that day. The spirit kept telling me, if I did that we would be able to keep Emma! Every time someone else got up and bore their testimony I would start bawling! The last spiritual prompting I had that was that strong was that we needed to try to have a baby 6 years ago! I didn't want to share those details at the time, but now that we are going to be adopting Emma it's time to share and blogging is the easiest was for me to write things down. I didn't even tell Brad about the experience until last week! I was too afraid that I would share that and then it wouldn't come true.

- What if I had NOT born my testimony that day? Emma's birth mom says that it was because I just walked into DCFS and didn't sneak in the back door that she respected me and fell in love with me. I was __ close, that close, to using the back door that first visit. What if I had? What made me walk in the front door instead???

Just maybe Heavenly Father was testing me to see how willing I would be to listening to the prompting's. If I did the Big, Very Scary one of actually getting up and bearing my testimony then I would be open to the smaller ones like, use the front door and not the back, be willing to meet Emma's birth mom and so on. Who knows how or why.

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