Saturday, May 29, 2010

Don't be selfish/ secretive!

I don't blog very often from the adoptee point of view because my situation is so different/ complicated. I sometimes forget I am even "adopted"... which I will leave to another post. But my advice to any current or potential adoptive couples-
Don't be selfish/ secretive!

Because my birth mom is deceased it is hard to get to know her. She did raise me until she passed away when I was 7. My adoptive parents don't like to talk about her, her being their own daughter. Over the years I have gotten some information here and there. I remember hearing that my mom's favorite LDS hymn was "I know that my Redeemer Lives". This because a source of comfort for me in my trials, listening to this song. Finally when I was 19 I was able to get ahold of one of my mom's journals in which I read of a time she sang that song at a fireside.

The reason for this post, I recently found out from my aunt that she has a copy of my mom singing this song! I started thinking, why didn't I know this existed and why don't I have a copy, why have I never heard it??? Yesterday I was riding home from the temple with my adoptive mom and I hesitated, but finally brought up the song when I came up on the CD. I asked if she knew my aunt had a recording of it. Yes, in fact they have a copy too! Even though I had already asked my aunt to make me copy, I started thinking and almost asked, "Do you still have that CD player, the one with the duel cassette and I can make a copy of that tape TONIGHT?" I didn't ask, instead I waited. I waited for the offer, the offer of "do you want a copy of the tape of your deceased birth mom singing this song, the song that was her favorite and the song that has brought you comfort and a sense of closeness to her?" Nope, no such offer came. Yes I could of asked, but I didn't. I feel like I should not have to ask for such things. As a potential adoptive mom, I can not imagin keeping such a thing from my kids! It's selfish if you ask me.

As our case with our foster daughter is progressing I am determined that IF it does go to adoption I am going to try my hardest to get a picture of her birth mom. That and all the info I can get from her so that my daughter doesn't feel like I've been selfish/ secretive to her about her life, her family history, where she comes from, who created her and gave her life!

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