Saturday, January 30, 2010

How to tell an Infertile friend that you're pregnant

(link to article here)

By forgivn4eternit

Let's face it: most women out there will get pregnant in their first year of trying. There are others, however, who are a little more down on their luck fertility-wise, and have been trying for many years to conceive a child, who are still without. Well, being one of those women who is still waiting after two years, I would like to go through some tips and steps on how to break the news to us. This article should give a clear idea of what to say when you want to share your joy but don't want to break our hearts.
  • Write down what you'd like to say and how you're going to say it. Then read it aloud to yourself (or your partner). Put yourself in the shoes of the inferile; how would you like the news broken to you? Edit it and change it until it's as sensitive as you believe it should be.
  • Call your friend to break the news to her gently. Give a polite greeting and ask if she has a minute to talk, that you've got something to tell her. (At this point, she probably already knows what you've got to say, so give her the chance to say "no" if she desires.) Don't make too much small talk; simply tell her, "I just wanted you to be one of the first to know that we're pregnant." Stop there.

  • Give her time to breathe. She may hang up on you. She may say "Okay," and then tell you she has to go and will call you later. She may break out into tears. If more than 30-45 seconds go by, just say, "Okay honey, I know you probably don't want to talk right now, and that's okay. But I wanted you to know and hear it from me. I am here if and when you're ready to talk again." Give her another 5-10 seconds and if still nothing, say goodbye and hang up. She's probably in tears and doesn't want you to feel like the best news of your life is the worst news of hers.
  • If you haven't heard back from her or her husband/partner in a few days, send her an e-mail or message on Facebook. Just a quick and casual, "just checking in" kind of message. Nothing questioning or apologetic. Just reminding her that you care.

This article flashes me back to almost a year ago when I found out my sister-in-law was pregnant with their first.

We were up visiting my in-laws, one of my husband's older brothers and his family was already there and his little brother was going to come the next day.

My sister-in-law started talking about how other SIL was "pukey". I've never been officially pregnant, but I'm not dumb, pukey is pregnant! So I asked, why was she pukey? "Oh, um, I think she has the flu or something." I didn't buy into it. Then my little niece came up, "Because she has a baby in her belly!"

I went to the laundry room and cried. I called my husband in and told him. I tried to convince him to go home before his brother got there to announce their pregnancy, but he decided to stay.

A few minutes after the expecting couple got there they started, "We have some news." That's as far I let them get before interrupting, "Yeah, we already know! S (our niece) told us!"

According to hubby's family I appeared pissed off the rest of the night. As soon as we got in the car I just cried the whole way home.

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