Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Today (well, Monday) Brad and I have talked a LOT about the situation with Samantha. Brad's biggest fear, she's faking it. We went through so many "what if's" tonight. What if she's faking it? What if she had a miscarriage and doesn't want to tell us? What if she is pregnant, but has no plan on giving us the baby? What if she is pregnant and does want to place the baby? Why is she lying about certain things (we have at least 1 thing we know for sure she has lied about)? But even that lie I was able to explain a logical explanation for to Brad, I just don't get why she wouldn't of told me that truth... (sorry hard to explain without saying what exactly)

The things she has said, someone wouldn't say or come up with if they were faking something like this. She has always been flaky and irresponsible, so what else is new?

Earlier in the day she said she had some questions and concerns she wanted to talk to me about. I'll admit, I was antsy about what those concerns might be. I haven't been able to sleep because A) I took a nap today so my body thinks it's good on sleep. B) My chest congestion crap has moved to my sinuses C) I have a headache from either stress or my sinus congestion or both D) I have too much on my mind and E) my PCOS is gonna be the death of my (no, literally it is), as I am now gushing blood! Oh and my computer sounds like it's gonna die! :(

I was still awake and I heard my phone going off in the bedroom (at 2:30 AM). It was Sam. We texted for almost an hour and talked about her "mixed emotions" and anxiety's about the baby's arrival. Up until a month or so ago she really distanced herself from the pregnancy, from baby and all that. But it is catching up with her. She is really struggling and I don't know how to help her. Her family is zero supportive, they pretend like she's not even pregnant. I suggested counseling, at first she said maybe but then said she doesn't think it would help. I feel horrible for her. I can't imagine how she feels. I wish I could take away the pain and heartache.

I should at least try to get some sleep. I have tried, but my mind is just too busy. 5 weeks until she is due. I keep thinking, my sister delivered her first 2 kids 6 weeks early and her third was 4 weeks early. Baby, it's time to COME OUT!!!!!!

1 comment:

The Smiths said...

For our last adoption I was so concerned about our birth mom and felt her pain so much that I had a hard time experiencing joy that we had this sweet baby. I know I am shelling out advice you probably don't need, but I found myself being the main support for our birth mom and then I couldn't properly bond with our son. I eventually had to ask her to give us some time to bond, which I hated doing, but it was the only way I could see getting through those first few rough months and really feeling like our son's mom. I hope that makes sense.