Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Here it is...

Finally, here is the story as to how things played out. I didn't want to post it before we got to talk to our parents about it. My mom called me yesterday to tell me she's sad. She told me, "I thought I'd be angry, but I'm not. I'm just sad." I'm just glad she isn't mad at me! (My parents are know to twist things around and make things I had nothing to do with my fault!)

Thursday afternoon I was sitting on the couch, still in my pajamas, watching Netflix. Emma was half dressed, I had just changed her diaper and didn't bother putting the bottoms back on because I was going to get her dressed soon. Someone knocked on our door. I KNEW it was Sam's parole officer. How did I know? Well, no one ever comes to our house and I just had a gut feeling. I was right! PO and the guy that is always with her were at the door. I invited them in. Felt trashy because my kid had on a pajama top and diaper and I was in PJ's at noon!

I don't remember where we actually started the conversation. PO said she wanted to talk to me about Sam. She was wondering why I was so upset when I went outside and asked Sam about lying about the pregnancy. I went straight to the question, "IS she pregnant????" No. Her Parole Officer pregnancy tested her and it was negative. I told her the story, Sam told last Aug. me she was pregnant and planed on placing the baby for adoption and wanted us to have it. It's all such a blur what was said when, but many things came up. Sam also promised this fake baby to someone else!!! Oh my heck. I want to know who is other person is! They told me the other person even has an attorney who was handling this adoption. We do too, plus we've spent HUNDREDS of $ on this baby! Brand new crib, mattress, glider and ottoman, clothes, toys plus my mom has bough- clothes, towels, and blankets. Yeah I'd say over $500 went into this fake kid. At least we haven't paid our attorney any $ yet. PO said it was smart of my not to pay anything until the baby was born. And that's my advice to everyone, don't invest money until the baby is born!

No one can figure out why she did it. She never asked for money, she never wanted anything from us. Attention? That's the only thing we could think of. Her PO doesn't get it either. What did she gain? What did she lose? Her open adoption with Emma! When I told her PO that she asked me how it would work, could we close it? Because our open adoption was a verbal agreement between Sam and I, I have every right to just change my mind and don't have to do anything! PO also didn't know the status with Emma, Did Sam have any rights? Nope. She relinquished in June and we finalized in November, she is MINE. PO was glad to hear that.

I also brought up a letter I found in Sam's things. (I put up a post about it) She told me it was up to me if I wanted to contact the police about it. Brad and I have talked and he doesn't want to get a restraining order (yet). We'll see once she's out of jail if she ever comes around.

After they left and I did a LOT of crying, I pulled myself together. Brad and I talked before we found out for sure and we agreed if she wasn't we were ready to re-open our foster care file for placements. A little while later I went through Sam's phone/ well our phone she was using. I was tired of getting texts and calls to her so I texted everyone on her contact list. (more on that to come, it's actually GOOD I promise!) I looked through the pictures, there were lots of ones of Emma. One from a few days ago and then 4 hours after she was at our house there was a picture of.... Cocaine!!!!!!!! Are ya kidding me??? Who on earth takes pictures of their drugs?! There was one in with all her pictures and another one saved on the memory card! I also figured out where the fake ultrasound picture came from! It was her friends who is also pregnant and due soon.

Saturday I went to the jail to talk to her. I wanted to know WHY. When I first saw her she was upset I went through her things, but I didn't let her go there at all, I was there on a mission to find out WHY. She claims "I really thought I was pregnant!" How do you think you were pregnant? She says she had the positive pregnancy test, she saw a doctor, had the amnio, went to jail (the first time, out of 3 now!) and after 4 month of no bleeding she all of a sudden started bleeding bad. Who knows if that is true, but that's her story. "Why didn't you just tell us?" She says she was too afraid that I would drop contact with her and she would loss our open adoption with Emma. The longer she didn't tell us the harder it got. She apologized over and over again, I honestly don't care! She gets that she messed up and that we no longer want her around Emma. Her mom has agreed to take her things from us. She said because of the theft charges and her parole violation she's looking at 6 month to a year in jail possibly prison. She said that's why she's been distant from me is because she felt horrible about her lies. She said she is going to go to rehab and really does want to straiten out her life. She said she hopes with time we can try at a relationship again. How do I feel about that? I'm not sure. I will NEVER ever trust her again, I will never let her be alone with Emma. I will have to see how I feel in about a year or so... But I'm not going to be as open and nice to her as I have been. Me closing our open adoption is her own fault and she gets that. She admitted to me about her drug use the past few month, but then claimed the pictures of cocaine I found were not that, but some legal something or other of Ren's. Ha ha ha, I really don't believe that! She also said she wants to have another baby for her sometime. I flat out told her "Good luck not getting that kid taken when you're on drugs!" She claims she is going to straiten out her life.

Like I said in my previous post, we are really doing good. Then I told my mom toward the end of the conversation she said "You sound like you're taking it well?" I bawled as I first told her, but it is getting easier every day!


Duchess said...

I am so sorry. We were the victim of an adoption scam but nothing like this, nothing this involved and horrible. I am so sorry, so very sorry. I am impressed with your resilience. I wish you quick healing and luck with your future foster care experiences.

Alex and Sarah said...

I'm really glad you got the truth and you are taking it so well. Even though you bought all that stuff it will come in handy for another foster kid. I think you are smart to close the adoption for right now, sometimes that is the best choice. It is hard to know why someone does these things, but sometimes I think they are reliving what they wish they had done. Maybe she wanted that attention and wished she had been different with Emma.

Ashley said...

Oh man, I am so sorry. I'd want to talk to the other couple to make sure they're okay. I'd also make sure she gets on the website for "adoption fraud" people. You don't want her doing this again to someone else.

Keep the baby stuff, pack it away right now until you're ready to try again.

I am so unbelievably sorry that someone turned something with so much potential into something so painful.

P.S. You have every single right to keep the adoption closed at this point. Especially since Emma was adopted through the foster system. Sam's lost her say.

MamaSalmon said...

oh my gosh.!
im so sorry for you hun. thats really messed up.! who fakes a pregnancy.? someone really sick in the head, thats who.
i honestly wouldnt let her back in yours or YOUR daughters life. I'd actually make contact minnimal. and move to a new place that she doesnt know of. Your daughter is young enough that she never has to know the pain of her birth mother.
that woman must be crazy and i honestly wouldnt even be kind enough to let her back into my life again. * hugs*