Monday, February 28, 2011

How much can one heart take?

As I drove home this morning I thought about the lyrics to this song, which ironically is titled "Emma". I'm not sure I can emotionally handle much more...

Sam had an ultrasound appointment today... Anyone else surprised it didn't happen?

My morning when something like this: Woke up at 6:30. Woke up Emma at 6:40. Took Brad to work. Came home, put Emma back to bed. Tried going back to sleep, didn't happen. Got up, got dressed, texted Sam. No response. Got Emma up, got her dressed and ready. Called Sam, no answer. Loaded Emma up in the car, Sam texts me "I'm at probation." Me: "Okay. Are you going to the ultrasound?" No response. I drive by probation and I don't see her car. I go to the hospital and wait to see if she shows up. Emma meanwhile is screaming, the only thing to make her stop is feeding her cinnamon bears. Just after 9 (her appointment time) I leave. I go to her house and her car is there! Okay, now I'm furious! I knock on the door, someone looks through the blinds, but doesn't answer. I knock again, her friend answers. Sam is laying on her bed sleeping. Her response to all this "I don't feel good. I don't feel like going!"

I got back in my car and drove home. I cried the whole way and kept thinking, I'm done.

Brad and I both are extremely concerned! WHAT IS GOING ON? But I will admit, there are some lies going on!

I don't know what to think. I don't know what to do.

I got home and getting Emma out of the car seat I couldn't help but smile. She was completely covered in cinnamon bear, her face was red and sticky, sticky hands, cinnamon bear in her hair, on her shirt, on her jacket, it was everywhere! She has been super cute and sweet since we're been home. She was a monster yesterday and I don't think I could handle that again today.

And to Sam's "I don't feel good", FYI neither do I, but still I did what I agreed to do and if I was canceling I'd let the person I was meeting know! Today's the first day in 4 days that I don't feel totally miserable. Now, I feel like I am going to puke!

How much can one heart take?
Emma has been running around in just a diaper and socks, she is pretty stinken cute. I looked at her sitting in front of my playing and started crying, not because I'm mad at Sam or cuz I'm so tired of all this, but because I love Emma so much. Watching her play washed away all the pain of earlier today. Then I started writing and texting Brad and well, it's all back. There is definitely a nap in my future today....

1 comment:

The Smiths said...

Tough stuff! It might be best to remove yourself from it a little bit.