Saturday, January 23, 2010

Guest Post by Andrea

My husband and I have been married for 6 1/2 wonderful years. We have struggled with infertility for 5 of those years. It is amazing to me how the Lord knows exactly what we need in order to make our marriage stronger and bring us closer to Him than we ever thought possible. Something you need to know about me before I recount our story is that I am a girl who has dreamed of and looked forward to the day of being a mom since I was a little girl. Most little girls’ dream of their wedding day, mine was simple and wonderful, I dreamt of the day I would be a mom.

Dustin and I were married for a year and a half when we felt very strongly that it was time to start a family. Like most couples, we thought and hoped we'd get pregnant very quickly. Little did we know what the next few years would bring. As each month passed we thought it wasn't "our time" and the Lord would make it happen when the time was right. It was heartbreaking with each failed attempt, but we continued on with faith that things would work out. I have to admit, I had days of being an emotional mess. I felt every emotion you could imagine. I had feelings of inadequacy, denial, fear, guilt, and utter sadness. Thank heaven for a husband who is kind, loving, patient and really good at wiping tears.

After 2 years of trying we went to see a fertility specialist and found out there were some issues preventing us from getting pregnant on our own. The doctor told us our chances of conceiving were less than 3%. It was going to take divine intervention for a miracle to occur. We were given two options, artificial insemination or invitro. We thought and prayed about it and decided we would start with our first round of medication and artificial insemination. We both felt really good about it and for the first time in 2 years felt confident again that we would get pregnant. Sadly, it didn't work. We were devastated. Out of frustration we began to look into adoption, but didn’t feel like it was the right time. We tried artificial insemination again a month later, took a pregnancy test, and found out we were pregnant. Dustin made me take 4 more because he couldn't believe it. Each one came back positive. We were so excited. There was a huge weight lifted off our shoulders. All of the heartache and confusion vanished. We called the doctor and set up an appointment. We couldn't wait to see our little baby.

Two weeks later our world came crashing down. I woke up one morning and knew something was wrong. I called the doctor's office, they ran some tests and we found out that I had miscarried. On top of that, the doctors found a grapefruit sized cyst on my right ovary, which was caused by the fertility medication. It was horrible. The weight was thrown back on our shoulders and there was more confusion than ever. I felt my dream of being a mom was slowly slipping away. Who can mourn the loss of someone who has never been born? The fact that there is nothing tangible to represent the loss actually intensifies the pain and makes the loss more difficult to understand.

Infertility is a life crisis that is difficult for all involved to handle. The Chinese symbol for crisis is composed of two words: danger and opportunity. Infertility is a crisis, which involves many personal risks, and yet for some it becomes an opportunity for growth.

The next couple of months were a fog. We spent a lot of time praying and going to the temple trying to figure out what the Lord wanted us to do. We didn’t feel good about going through with any more fertility treatments for the time being. We then seriously began to pray about adoption. A couple of weeks before Christmas things started to fall into place for us. The spirit confirmed over and over we were making the right decision. In December 2007 we met with LDS Family Services and began the necessary paperwork.

We felt a huge sense of urgency to get our paperwork done quickly. We were approved for adoption March 2008 and were chosen 4 weeks later! Did we just get lucky? I wouldn't call it luck at all. God is in the details of our lives. He has a plan for each and every person on this earth. He knew we needed to move quickly because there was a birthmom who needed to find the parents of the child she was carrying. She needed our support and the Lord knew how much we needed hope back in our lives.

Our little girl was born October 28, 2008 and has brought so much love and joy into our home. We are currently working on getting approved for our next adoption, which should be done in the next couple of weeks. We are thrilled to be a part of the adoption community and never thought so much joy could come from so much pain.

Check out of adoption blog:

1 comment:

Triumph said...

Touching story, thanks very much for posting. Your daughter is adorable, all the best with your next adoption.